Saturday, January 28, 2012

Mountain Mama JAPAN: Internet Date Site Freaks

Mountain Mama JAPAN: Internet Date Site Freaks: Hi everyone on the coldest day of 2012. Welcome to the land of hypochondriacs. They really have something to worry about when graphic pictur...

Internet Date Site Freaks

Hi everyone on the coldest day of 2012. Welcome to the land of hypochondriacs. They really have something to worry about when graphic pictures of athlete's foot sufferers greet you at the door of every drug store in Japan. C'mon, it's gross.  Another "tip" from you know who - this time on the internet dating site photos. Look, I'll be up front and honest with you guys, NO ONE, but NO ONE cares what great activities you do, how smart you are (save that kudo for mommy) or that you're built, equipped (figure that one out doo-doo head) if you look like a freak in your profile pic. Take a second to have the honey bees buzzing around  - put on a clean shirt, fix your do, avoid ducktails and mallot cuts please. Retro/spiky is okay (according to me). Even if you think that you're u-gu-ly (can't say ugly) flash a nice friendly smile, always a winner! and wait for the ladies to line up 'cause YOU HOT BRAH.  You know today I can't talk about Plain Jane because the next chapter about is too painful but in time I can tell it all to you - just wait. Okay just a tad more about it....If I start acting weird or creepy I'll stop. Jane knew that she would be creating a new set of rules for herself by looking at another society from the outside in. Scary. The part that I don't like was (if I may jump ahead a few weeks with this) is how she came to be a Ginza hostess. Stupid and grueling work - well, yeah.... it's tough sitting and entertaining some rich smucks ( one more reason to hate the  rich!).Some having serious personal hygiene issues( Maybe THAT 'S what was bothering me I don't know).  More about Jane's adventures next time if you can stand the suspense.  How about a cute closing thing before I have a breakdown? Yeah - here it goes: You can never escape your class - so quit trying already. And last: Screw the planet - save yourself....     Bye, I'm tuckered out....
Mountain Mama Japan

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Big Nose Diet

Hey guys!  Here we are again for some more things you need to know. How about some more nagging about the beauty of dieting? Ok? great. A few tips to remind you about your mental state which keeps you focused FOREVER!  Put a "before" photo of yours truly smack where your will eyeball it as you slide open the refrigerator/shelves/cubbyholes or other hiding places. This is visual inspiration to the max which helps with the staying power thing. You folks over that certain age - don't mean to be rude, or come on too strongly - you know, the bifocals set -don't forget to plaster them across your face, no excuses that you couldn't hone in on it. Next is looking at your OVERALL progress - rather than those daily torturing weigh-ins. I think that it's more stressful than trying to squeeze into something and hearing it go r-i-p in a dressing room of a high-end shop with bitchy (and skinny) sales help.  Another thought is to stay clear of your friendly sabotagers. Misery loves company as the saying goes - yep, avoid them like the plague.  One good one is keeping your sneakers, dumb bells (why the hell are they called that?) treadmills (Oh God, love to trip over these things on a toilet run in the middle of the night) and workout clothes - stinky as they are - all out in plain sight. You people with an OCD condition of hoarding with enjoy this sight every morning when you wake up!  Last on Mountain Mama's short list is to read others' success stories a great motivator unless the ending isn't so happy - you know where I'm going with this - Hee Hee! they managed to gain it all back and then some more.  Good luck to you! And if you want to stay on my good side, DON'T screw this up.   And now my pet peeve of the day is all about the narrow wine/drinking glasses offered here in Japan in some fancy-smancy watering hole - err... restaurant. Look, let's be honest, with a honker like mine there is NO way in hell that I can squeeze it into such a narrow hole, sip the contents like a lady and withdraw it with the liquid still in my mouth, without the entire population of the restaurant sucking in their breaths simultaneously at the foreigners great feat. Now I know that's why the waiters brings over wide mouth glasses when they see me coming. Must even have a nose measuring stick stuck in a drawer some place for this purpose. Write in if you ever heard of such a thing. So, I unburdened my soul! That's what this blog is all about! Glad it hit home. Don't ask me what you can look foward to in the next one, I don't know....       Whew! is it over? Sort of. I guess so.  Goodbye and - oh, stop rattling me, I'm trying to end this thing. Ok, this is  bye-bye.   bye.                                          Mountain Mama Japan

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Mountain Mama JAPAN: Recipe From Hell

Mountain Mama JAPAN: Recipe From Hell: Yep, it's one of these days again - not the weather or feeling "under the weather" but a real blah day. Absolutely nothing but nothing happe...

Recipe From Hell

Yep, it's one of these days again - not the weather or feeling "under the weather" but a real blah day. Absolutely nothing but nothing happening. I'm here to change things - right? So lemme at 'em! O-ka-a-y, here we go.... Some  tips for your daily existence: Never take a tranquilizer  (or any pill for that matter) without water. Ugh,  tweeze your eyebrows without a mirror (what eyebrows?),  ride a roller coaster after auntie's famous double cheese fried steak dish - trust me on this one, been there, done that. Run through the door first and have it slam on your date's face - Only done in one country in the world - Japan! Yes, land of gentlemen and flatened gentlewomen.  Ready for another one? Yeah? Never thought you'd ask:   Like tattoo's? Meeting a guy with some could be a real great conversation starter: "Hey love the tat's! Like what were you in for? Oh, an axe murderer? How charming. Can't wait to be alone with you dear."   Now, for the serious stuff:  How about a recipe for a change? It's called:  Mountain Mama's Winter Pudding. Aren't you all excited? It takes 2 eggs - don't get smart - how would I know if it's free range or not? Next is 2 cups of bread pieces, yeah, stale or rock hard OK, just cut off the green/black part. 3 cups (hot) milk - again don't bother me  you-skinny-as-a-rail- folks, about skim, low fat or God forbid regular. Any kind will do.  Sugar is 1/2 cup - aha! I will not go there about the million reasons that you shouldn't, can't, don't with the sugar issue. Leave me alone OK? Just do what you gotta do and get some in there. Whew! I'm exausted and I haven't even finished listing the few cheap ( you know cheapskates love me!) ingredients into the freaken bowl. Now, there is also 1/2 teaspoon of vanilla (real or chemical- ladden fake) Stop it! and last, raisins/dried fruit (NOT rotten, hard stuff but sold by the pack as dried.)  Let's start already before I need those tranks without water: Beat the eggs, add the bread, hot milk, 1 tablespoon butter  OH NO! I forgot about the butter - sorry, but I get hysterical when I hear anything FAT, 'cause it's FAT that's why. Here's the thing, I also forgot (on purpose) the pinch of salt. Any of you guys with high BP sorry but it won't have any taste without some - just bear with it and up your meds for a day. So, where was I? Oh yeah,  Mix it up and dump it in a greased (grease is another dirty word in my skinny world) pan.You're on your own with this one. Bake for 40 minutes at 350c. How did it come out? Soupy? Crunchy? Did you turn on the oven? What were you doing for forty minutes? Oh I'm not allowed to ask? Alright, be a weasel. I'm leaving. Hope that you enjoyed your feast. Lick the spoon for me.  See you next,                        Mountain Mama Japan

Friday, January 6, 2012

Mountain Mama JAPAN: Fuzzy Logic 2012

Mountain Mama JAPAN: Fuzzy Logic 2012: Hey! So I heard that you want to enter a brand new, exciting phase in your life. Yeah, you do huh? Don't let me stop you - go for it! You kn...

Fuzzy Logic 2012

Hey! So I heard that you want to enter a brand new, exciting phase in your life. Yeah, you do huh? Don't let me stop you - go for it! You know that I'll start nagging you about the results of all those holiday parties. Don't get coy, you know what I'm after. Did you take some of my tips seriously? Like the listing of everything that passes your lips for at least three days? It's the easiest 'cause you educate yourself on what you need to do personally.
So what's going on with Jane and her secret diary? Well, she was thinking that she would be starting a new phase too. Her ultimate mission looked like school, but it ranked a close second to the real  thing which was excitement - money and men!  Now, what could a real plain girl get what she wanted? Physical appearance comes first because that's what people see (and might form some unfair opinions about, but that's humans for you.) Next is the mental stuff - I don't mean to get mushy or soft here, but unless they know something about you before hand, or if you tell an impressive short and sweet BS story, people you first meet  will lose interest and move on to the next victim.  It sounds tough that only your mother cares about what a good heart you have, but it's a tough world out there. I learned to be kind to others (yeah, I do have a kind heart - oh, can I throw in  that I'm honest and generous (sort of) too? I do this for myself, it makes ME feel good to be nice to others. I told you that I'm a me-me-me kind of girl didn't I?  Anyway, the object of the story is that trust and honesty must be earned. The valuable stuff takes time. So folks, as your working your tuchie off at the gym and killing yourself from keeping your wrinkles lining up on the road map of your face,  think about  who you want to be for you. It's your soul. I hope that this makes sense for you, I can't even remember what I wrote already - I want to move on to the fluffier stuff:  How about a little slogan or two?  OK! got it. "My parents never wanted anything for me except that me to become them."  On a tee-shirt: In a big wide space you can feel free (and nervous), Drug of choice: (sex or food) - affair or eclair? " Use it or lose it!" ahem.... you know what I mean gentleman. Wow, I've had enough - haven't you?  
                                                   Bye bye    Mountain Mama Japan

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Mountain Mama JAPAN: Core Values Suck

Mountain Mama JAPAN: Core Values Suck: Hey! So I did say that I'll be seeing you after the holidays are over - but I couldn't wait 'cause I missed you guys. Got some more stuff o...

Core Values Suck

Hey! So I did say that I'll be seeing you after the holidays are over - but I couldn't wait 'cause I missed you guys!  Got some more stuff on relationships:  The only way to experience a relationship is to open up and be real. You can't romantize people, making them like characters in a book you love, getting caught up in the IDEA of someone rather who they really ARE. You must learn to see the person clearly along with their issues, challenges and all their great qualities which attracted you to them in the first place. Instead of holding back emotionally and showing a prettied-up version of yourself, it's okay to show vulnerabilities - the feeling is liberating and awesome at the same time. Sometime a so-called good relationship will end abruptly when the "honeymoon" phase is over. It only might have been bad timing or a sticky, unadvoidable life circumstance. Mourn a reasonable amount of time by feeling safe and protected, until getting back in the rat race. Healthy and positive!  What can I say? Stuff like this happens all the time, you're ahead of the game only if you're a Superman with coping skills. Now as it is I'm pondering the meaning of life - yes sirree folks, this may be the deepest thought that Mountain Mama has ever had! It's what life really is about:  #1 Making one decision after another, big or small daily, and the other,  #2 Solving problems big or small, also constantly, on a daily basis. Yep that's it! All about Life 101....
I wonder if I can charm you in another way now - like some snappy slogans: Road kill - is it dead or is it dinner? School is cool but playing hooky is hot! And finally last - lucky you:  A hooker's heart doesn't have the proverbial  heart of gold, but pocesses a calculating heart WITH gold. Ain't that true?
                          Catch 'ya later alligator....  Mountain Mama Japan