Thursday, December 22, 2011

Mental Block Clinic During the Holidays

Hel-lo!   Just gotta discuss a crucial issue affecting the entire population of Japan - No it's not what you think - look, I'll give you a hint:  worn when it's cold or when the cedars go beserk. Yeah? you know? It's also my main pet peeve.  It's those stupid surgical masks. They might serve their purpose during a world epidemic of a super-duper buggy things but - please folks don't use them when you don't put your make-up on. It's like when you have a bad hair day - on goes the hat. Another time people wear these things is if they are hiding from the world. Or they are in their OWN world. Some of these recluses need a little unconditional loving to get them to strip and show their naked souls (whoops! I mean face).  This leads me to another subject of why you're not good at relationships. Get close to someone and the next thing you know, you've given them the power to wound, betray, irritate, abandon  or bore you senseless. My general policy is to keep my distance, thus avoiding a lot of unruly emotion - in psychiatic circles, there are names for people like this:  ALONE and LONELY.
So what else do you want to hear about?  As the holiday season gets closer, how about a stressful family party thought?  As it turns out both sides of the our family wanted to have their Christmas parties on the same day and all I want to do is to sit at home drooling on anti-psychotic medication and planning their demises. I get so stressed-out at this time of the year that by New Years there is no need for confetti 'cause I can explode at will all over the area of your choice.  Fuhgeddaboutit! as they say in New York. So guys.... forget about it.  Have your own party in your own home this year. No need to go gallivanting around the globe. So, with that said, have a good one  and don't be a jerk, boozer, tacky or a turd. Just be you.  See you next year.
                                     Mountain Mama Japan

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Plain Jane Discovering Her New 'tude

Hi again!  Welcome back for some more earth shattering revelations! Well it's suppose to be about our girl Plain Jane. So it is:  She was a student in a New York college at this time. Not being from an entitled family,  like most of the snots were from- daddies in trendy suits marching  or in this case, driving what most of keeping up with the Jones possessed: big, bad, foreign, richy looking cars. Jane, not born with A SILVER SPOON IN HER MOUTH (yofuku na ie ni umareru) can't forget those idioms folks - had to work it out on her own. Yeah, do stuff herself if she ever wanted to see any changes. Now,  isn't that a real Plain Jane for 'ya? Couldn't get closer than that.  I didn't tell you what she looked like, did I?  Pretty hot material I'd say. Kind of hidden beneath all the insecurities. See, she felt ordinary and boring. Never stood out in high school. I know our girl had like "assets" stuff you can see and other stuff you couldn't cause it was buried between her two ears. She wanted to break the mold somehow and get away from other girls from the city with short, brown mousey hair and big butts. Why the hell do these people all look alike? Jane was thinking at this time to change her name too- how daring can you get?  Wow- starting off with a new look, new name in a new place. Not thinking of family or college (oh, they'll survive and the college thing, up until age ninety is no problem) - well that's youth for you! You wonder what the connection to Japan is?- it's those pretty stick and  curley designed writing they call kanji in Japan and we know as Japanese characters.  It looked so awesome and  difficult to Jane at the same time.  She couldn't image these things were actually historical modes of communication. All she knew about this postage-sized country was that its' people were deranged worker ants toiling away for the good of mankind. Little did they know what would be happening in the upcoming years to change that. What! I'm not trying to scare the bejesus out of you - It's the truth.        Now for some more useless whatever....  Hey, get your mangy paws off of me - this is suppose to be fun, like get you sourpusses to crack a smile OK, got it?  Here goes-  If a woman's place is in the home, why am I always in the car?  There are old pilots and there are bold pilots - but no OLD, BOLD pilots....       BACK OFF  I'm with the band,  (I don't exactly get this one), and last:  God doesn't have grandchildren, just children. (This I get.)
                                               Signing off for now,  Rodger, over and  out,
                                                   Mountain Mama                               

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Before Holiday Diet Boot Camp

Hi Everyone!   Look, let's start off with a bang before the holidays - Don't muffin top me! You need to get in some sort of control BEFORE the damage is done by Jewish/Italian or other great cooks/well-meaning mommies in the world. No one can get pushed more than those in New York according to me. They are the world's top guilt machines, built like bulldozers and firing off  "How thin you look dears'" by the armload. These ladies are more dangerous that any front- line combat zone. On the other hand, people who enjoy  treats daily are slimmer than the one measly weekly splurge. Yes,it works because you never feel deprived with having a square or two of chocolate or  another sweet buzz like a few cookies? do it. The message here is portion control - and like I wrote before - just a few bites , maybe break up the cookie - suddenly you have eight cookies from the two! Hee-Hee. Now we are getting into mind control. Oh my God.  Where is it written in stone that you have to eat a ten-year-old fruitcake? I get approached every year so I know.  I'm alive every year 'cause I don't. OK? enough about not developing a huge heinie/tuchis/can/butt - which ever term you can understand.
A question about relationships -   Would you rather be in a shorter, let's say a five to ten year happy, joyful one or a longer, twenty-five or thirty year miserable one? Be nicer to you. Give yourself a pat on your back while you're at it.  No one will love you more than yourself.   How about a few slogans that you can't live without? " Money can't buy happiness - that's what shopping is for!"   Old Buddist proverb: Don't eat your soul to fill your belly. "Anything cheaper would be illegal" a bargain store sign. In India there is a "Black Eye Detective Agency" doing a booming business I hear.   The Diary of Plain Jane will continue when I continue it.   Bye-bye folks             Mountain Mama Japan

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Secret Diary of a Plain Jane Part 2 Sort of the beginning

Hi!     Thanks for stopping by again.  Well, maybe I should start from the beginning - no, not the very beginning 'cause that would bore me to death. If I ever chose to read (or plotz as New Yorkers say), through my diary,  maybe on my deathbed or something, with all of my great-grand children circling around waiting to move in for the kill, with the little brats thinking that this lonely blog was somehow connected with my last will and testament, making them instant baby millionaires - they are dead wrong! Actually all I did was write stuff down when I felt like writing stuff down. You can say it was for the main three people in my life: No, not daddy, mommy and you-name-it extra person - but it's simple:  ME, MYSELF, and I.  Couldn't do better than that. Sounds selfish but so I am. I'm going to warn you I might be jumping around - it's hell trying to put together sentences from torn off notebook pages and squares of toilet paper.   Well, as far as I could tell the diary starts in a post (very post) occupation, pre (very pre) bubble Japan. It's an account of a twenty-something, x- know-it-all back home in the states,  and  a new, doesn't know anything about anything  girl in this dot-on-the-map, middle of nowhere postage-sized country. I just couldn't resist the challenge of totally turning my entire life around and taking off with one suitcase. I had a little intention I guess to study the writing, the roots of which are from China - Now they tell me! Wonder why I didn't just head for China instead of Japan. Maybe Japan was closer or  something. To be continued when I'm good and ready folks. How about mulling over some instructions on a bunch of bananas "Peel the banana before taking a bite "Oh my  God and I thought that Japanese people ranked way up in the world.  Another masterpiece is:  AUTHORITY  SUCKS"  Tell that to the SOB who pulled you over. You have your rights! You are a graduate of Woodstock '69 - no problem.      Bye for now,     Mountain Mama Japan

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Secret Diary of a Plain Jane Part 1

Hi folks - how was your week? Good I hope like mine - As it's said:  Even if you're rich, beautiful and smart, you still only get twenty-four hours in a day. So do what you can with what you've got.
I don't know how or where to start writing something like this since I never have before. It is  THE  SECRET DIARY OF A PLAIN JANE   Part 1 - I guess that I could say that this is just for my eyes only - like a private confession or something, but you guys are dying to know what really happened. Right? I did make a New Year's resolution to tell it all - even if it's corny or embarrassing, whatever. I thought maybe I'll become a famous writer! I would show those jerks in the office who's boss around there. Ha!  I really did start keeping a diary. Truth or dare! let it all hang out. Yeah, about everything and anything. I never thought that it would be a picnic - but nothing can stop me now. As I look back on what I wrote were bits and pieces of the daily bitch syndrome - but I did say that it was for my eyes only - didn't I?  Stay tuned for Part 2 next time - It takes forever to get to the juicy part but hang in there and you'll see Ms. Plain Jane in action.
Now, some more one liners you see (or don't want to see) on a dude strutting - or stumbling down the street.  YOU'RE IN DEEP YOU-KNOW-WHAT,   Sheesh! Next sounds more brillant:   FASTER, CHEAPER, BETTER - and it ain't a car,   One last dopey one:  GIRLS RULE .... BOYS DROOL (The first part sounded good, but the last part killed the mood).  Whew! I guess that's enough torture for one day - so I'll see you again - I think that you'll be here.
                                                                         Mountain Mama Japan

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Saga of the Pet Rock

So what's up with you? Anybody remember the Pet Rock craze way back?  Yeah, I remember it well - made some bucks for someone's great perception of people's emotions. There was a "special" rock dressed up as a baby or another character in a fancy box. My favorite was the macho  man with some chest hair creativily peeking out. Well there was a claim of rock power like crystals but nothing good happenend to me. I was ahead $20 BEFORE I bought the damn thing. OK, since I owned a piece of the country, I figured that it should be a  once-in-a-lifetime chance to have a perfect pet of my very own. My "guy" never needs to be fed or walked, is completely toilet-trained. He is the ideal pet boyfriend/husband/partner. He always listen to you and never talks back - in fact he never says anything at all. I just had to give him a proper name. How about  " Rocky Roady" or "Sporty Rocky" (worn out by Monday  morning) or best "Rocky- the- Great"? In any case, he's still sitting on his red cushion under some junk in my drawer.
      On politically incorrect (and sensitive) words - *Where is it written that everyone on this earth must do things exactly like you do?  * Who the hell told you that you're always right?  No one....Nowhere - that's who.
      So how is your diet-thing going these days OK?  Making the moves? good for you. I'm proud of you. I'll be checking on you again so don't give up.
       A little thing I've always wondered about living in Japan: Wearing an expensive kimono and western style underpants, trying to use a Japanese type toilet - just as bad as using any toilet wearing a one-piece ski suit.
                                See you again..... Mountain Mama encased in a rubber diving suit.

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Even Turkeys' Exercise - Turkey!

Well here it is - post turkey day. How did you do?  Went gung-ho for the fatty stuff or was cool with boring but know-what-you-should-eat-stuff? Awe- some! You know "you da boss" in this matters.
Now - about enemies of the earth:  Why can't we round up all the environmental rapists - YOU KNOW WHO WHO YOU ARE - and put them on a desert island. NO trees, NO water, No shelter, animals, birds, or insects. Let them live in this type of enviroment they are inflicting on the rest of the human race. No global whinning just do your part. 
On exercising: Daily or close, it must be. I don't know about you guys but I hate to sweat. So don't go to the gym where everyone looks exhausted - and wet. All you have to do is WALK. There is alot written about walking I know but aside from the occasional lifting of those bottles filled with water to balance and tone your arms - who wants bat wings anyway? You put one foot ahead of each other and propel yourself foward - using a little more speed than when you mosey along checking out the bakery goods. Oh - one rule! You must NEVER carry any machines with you - the cell, ipod, and zillions of variation  to get distracted. Remember stopping to smell the flowers, noticing new details of buildings, looking at natural things carefully.... really carefully? For me - it was when I was a kid. Beside losing weight slowly and steadily, you will get toned up - even look slimmer sooner. My motto is - never kill yourself just a steady pace is enough. Soon you will naturally want to walk more, faster and basically all over the place. Maybe a stab at a bicycle ride will up the ante. So quit futzing around and get out there.
How about a few more ads and slogans:  "You don't need teeth to eat our beef"(how about gums?)   HI! I'm not here,  Go Big or Go Home  - Why don't you just the hell go home folks! Bye for now....   Mountain Mama Japan

Monday, November 21, 2011

Foodie- toody Special

Well here we are again!  Talking about the three meals/two to three snacks only, allowed daily -  it can get very intense to exactly WHAT you should eat.  You know what "healthy" basically means even if you do live under a rock as they say. Look guys, with all of those itty-bitty, teeny-weeny servings, postage stamp sized plates and pipsqueak utensils - ya can't go wrong. The food must be colorful - think international - everyone looks different but coordinate beautifully. Yes, veggys are a must, yellow squashy stuff and red beets (not my favorite - too much like consuming blood products) and of course the greens. Gorge on this but don't drown it in dressing. The protein part is a few slivers of any meat - not a whole side like they now serve in restaurants. Carbs are there for balance - if you need fries - like a hole in the head - you'll find out how they bypass your stomach and land directly on your saddle-bag thights only to add extra sexy roundness there and on your butt. So...folks you can only have a few - wouldn't you prefer a nice small baked potato with loads of fiber? This conversation will always be continued....
A word about going on a date - singles or partnered people (are there any other groupings? tell me about it)  
* Preparing for your special evening - don't cut your hair without a mirror
*Appearance requirements - No suspenders - how do those things work anyway? will your pants really fall down without them?
* No bowtie/goofy string ties - looks like wings of a bird ready for flight. - please give me a break!
*No soccer - mom jeans - an elastic waistband pulled up to your neck just isn't cool.
*Hide the guy boobs - Please either cover them up with a huge aloha shirt or go for it with a guy bra. (guy bra?)
* No 1980's, 1990's style anything. Not yet vintage cool - it just makes you look like a fossil.
More about dating later. Now a few more awsome- wanna-bees on the tee shirt wearing contest:   In Yo Face  (short and to the point I'd say), He Loves ME  Got it?, and last:  I LOVE MY 'TUDE    Right.....    Bye for now, Mountain Mama Japan signing off

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Natto Chronicles

Hi! A few more points about dieting: You MUST eat three meals a day - yes, count it - one, two, three main times you eat. No excuses please. Then to make it more fun you may have two to three SMALL - and I mean SMALL snacks in between. Everything must be spaced every few hours. No more one constant meal all day. This way you know when you can eat and when you don't. Trust me, you won't ever get so hungry that you'll eat your handbag! You will think about these meals of about 500 calories, but not obsess  like a crazy person. The snacks should be maybe 100 calories or a little more. This is not a diet as we know it - this is a LIFESTYLE which will take time to adjust to. No more nagging or pushing yourself about food. Leave yourself alone! Isn't life tough enough anyway? Another time I'll talk more about what these meals/snacks should consist of.

On Idioms:  

The Natto Chronicles
     You guys from outside of Japan may not know what this is - let me describe it to you: slimy, gray/brown beany things proudly presented to the hapless public in nifty chemical laden material packs. It's has an odor of  a dead animal but strangely, I developed a full blown addiction to it. It's embarassing to admit this here but stuff happens to Mountain Mama too. I had to KICK THE HABIT (akushii o tatsu) because basically it was giving me a bellyache - those beans kind of explode in your gut as well. People  think of it as a healthy source of - whatever - but since I KICKED THE HABIT I sometimes get lonely for that action below. Now I'm looking for a new love/hate relationship with another food.

Some more little tidbits seen on teeshirts:  A FACE ONLY A MOTHER COULD LOVE,  KEEP STARING JERK, REAL MEN WEAR KIMONO. Wanna hear another one?  OK here goes - REAL MEN WEAR MAKE UP.           See you next time,  Mountain Mama Japan

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Tiny Dieting

Hey - nice day right? As Janice Joplin once said: "Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose." As a whole, I'd still choose freedom and worry about "lose" part later.
Oka-a-y diet advice time: Well, folks, think JAPAN - yep, that's right JAPAN. Land of the TINY - tiny dishes, tiny bowls, dining tables and portion.Eat anything your heart desires but get use to the down-sizing forever. No trips back to the kitchen for more - you'll pay attention to the taste 'cause there ain't alot of it. How about writing down everything you eat in a day? I mean EVERYTHING - even a lick of the icing of a cake. Look, it's only for three or four days. So, it's a pain in the tushie but you can analyze what you shovel into your mouth. This is the only time you need to count calories. Once you see a pattern emerge, you can cut down the portions and still reach the 1500 to about 2000 calories you need in a day to survive. As time goes on you will get the feeling based on its weight and appearance that it's right. Natually you will find foods that are healthier on your own because you have that valuable three day data.
Some thoughts -*  Prepare the child for the road - not the road for the child.
   *  I'd rather be called a SLUT than an OLD MAID any day.
   *  She laughs too loud and she talks too much - but she has FUN. Gee, that
     sounds like me!   See you guys next time, Mountain Mama Japan

Monday, November 14, 2011

Take the plunge and make a splash!

Hi again.   You know how to get over the negative stuff in life that hits you broadside? Well I'll tell you what NOT to say: " I can't, I don't,  no one will want me, I'm not young,thin. rich, _ _ _ _ _ (you fill in this blank), I can't go on a date at my age, people will think I'm silly". In actuality you don't have anything to lose to try something new or different. grown children, elderly parents, people you work with, friends and the slew of people in your life who don't want their relationships and situations changing with you - may have the strongest opinions. Don't ask/don't tell may work best here. Supportive people are always welcome. So-o-o  get out there and fight, fight fight!

I dare you to plaster these words across your chest:
"Perfection is the highest order of self-abuse"
Other (useless) pearls of wisdom:
"My only interest in money is when I have none"
Truth is the one story you never have to think about"

Other things to mull over:
It's long known that family vacations are only slightly less stressful than being held hostage by terrorists.
Mango Manners:  Cynics say that the right way to eat a mango is standing in a bathtub while wearing a raincoat or better - leaning over the sink naked. Your choice people.
Next time say tuned for some secret diet advice straight from the horse's mouth. Also English idioms that can serve you well in all situations - ones that you can use a thousand times a day - until people tell you to shut up. 
See you again!   Mountain Mama JAPAN

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Welcome everyone!

     Hi, I'm Teri, a New Yorker, long time resident of Japan - went to school here and haven't left. I have a 15 year old  business of vintage clothes and accessories in a resort lake area of Mt. Fuji near Tokyo. This is a brand new blog about things that are important to us, thoughts that we might or might not wish to share with others. It has the tools to motivate ourselves to make positive changes in relationships and do things we always hoped for in this stressful, changing world.
     Topics include:
* Looking great and younger - advice/hints/tips/stories
*What's new in vintage and re-made clothes and accessories, slim fashion looks.
*Diet and shape-up features in EASY ENGLISH for our Japanese friends, with learning fun English idioms and useful phrases.
     So-o-o  sit back and relax, grab a cup of coffee and step into the world of Mountain Mama Japan Blog.         See you soon new friends!