Wednesday, June 19, 2013

DEEP FRIED CHUBBY PEOPLE

 Hey! Ready for a brand new post from Mountain Mama? No? Well you're getting it anyway 'cause I seem to be in the mood or something - the weather sucks - a typhoon on top of the rainy season. Ugh.  Okay, here's what's happening at those USA redneck state fairs they torture people with every year. The idea sounds good though bringing people together looking at livestock and eating until they bust. The problem I have with this is - what the hell are those people frying up all this time? Not to be believed by folks living out of the states -  Look, as I just said EVERYTHING but EVERYTHING is fried at one of these fairs. Let's start with FRIED caviar - Maybe it's their only stab at looking like rich people.And how about the fried spinach dish? Gotta do the healthy thing right? Next on the cholesterol parade of who's gonna get the next coronary.... Drum roll please! No it's not fried ice cream - but FRIED BEER! Yeah! Hot on the outside and cold on the inside. Can't wait to suck that up in the hot Texas sun. Is all this normal? I guess so - people need these foods - they didn't get so chubby by eating boring bland stuff every day like me.   * Now, one or two more points before I sign off:  Tell the kids to cover their eyes/ears for this one: A tee shirt slogan I really saw in Tokyo and had to write down - it was displayed on an innocent 12 year old's front: "I'm Here for the Blowjob"  Good God. On the back of this someone's sweet daughter tee read: "Fuck You, You Fucking Fuck". WOW, where can I order a fried iced coffee around here? 'Gotta cool down.   See you guys next time.... Everybody stay home where it's safe.      Mountain Mama Japan

Friday, May 24, 2013

ENTOURAGE OF FOOLS

Hey! So here we are again.... and again! So what's up with you guys? Okay, don't get huffy-puffy, just checking it out.I've been thinking about these two powerful words (that's all I can cram into my head at one time. Forgive me,I'm no multi-tasker!) And they are: "enabling" and "accountability". I think that it's about choices people make and others around them who let,encourage,or aid them to continue these actions, whether they be good or damaging. If people are in fact ill or disabled they must be helped by taxpayers to remain contributing, dignitified members of society. No one can argue about that - however, the problem I do have has to do with funding people who are NOT accountable for themselves. These people manage to do this by grossly overeating and getting to the point where they are unable to move - let alone work - as seen on some US reality shows who love to shock and awe.  They hog the already over burdened government assistanced  programs to supply electric wheelchair among other expensive services to them. I've seen people surrounded with their little enablers be it friends or family, fluttering around  doing what they should be doing for themselves. What the public should "enable" them with are not automatically giving services, but FORCED EDUCATION - the why's, how's, where's and when,s this happened in the first place before things get 'atta wack and they wind up with huge health problems if not already. Yes "tough love" is alive and well according to Mountain Mama! This educational approach should include getting to the root of emotional issues for choosing such lifestyles as well as the usual(and boring) diet and exercise.  Enough of this already?  Okay, got it. I'm getting depressed too. Now some fun stuff: "Money makes you poor" You're kidding right?  "Revenge feels good only for a moment" Yep, I know about that too. And last: "Change is the right combination of discomfort and hope". Now, you guys "hope" that I'm out of here and so do I!  Bye-bye see you....                       Mountain Mama Japan

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

COFFEE BEANS FROM HELL

Hi again to all of the hardy survivors of Mountain Mama Japan! Got some stuff to share with you guys: It's those sassy coffee shops that seem to serve everything but everything but - hello out there!  COFFEE! Plain coffee. That's all I want in a "coffee shop". It has become harder to order since coffee doesn't seem to be just coffee anymore. It's all this other fattening fancy-schmancy stuff dumped in it.I don't want a big tuchis like you so there! I asked them: "So where's the coffee?" Like in the old CM where the granny asked "Where's the beef?"  I got a "fuhgeddaboutit!" and/or "kiss my ax" look from the server with the big butt. C'mon! Book you too.  Now, how about a few in yo' face  edgy messages to make your day? Okay here goes: "Walk in the direction that you want to go no matter what happens" While you're deeply digesting the spirituality of this "message from beyond" Don't walk off of a cliff moron. I'll leave you with one last one that strikes a personal chord with me:  "Anything closer to FREE rhymes with ME! Yup! I'm in charge....  See you next time folks - don't do anything crazy.
                                  Mountain Mama Japan

Thursday, March 14, 2013

Welcome Home Dirt Bag

Hi Everybody! Thanks a bunch for welcoming me back so soon! Couldn't wait to sit down and start pounding the keyboard again! I got this idea (like I'm borrowing it from somewhere I saw it millions of years ago). It's for people who live alone - now a trendy choice in society. This is how not to get to the point of climbing the walls out of loneliness: A recorded voice greeting you at the door when you return home after a hard day of work (including getting screamed at by your boss and dropping a carton of eggs at the supermarket), It's the fuzzy-wuzzy soothing,calming (gender of your choice) voice that says: "Welcome home honey! Darling!,Hey tough guy! or any other X-rated label that will puff you up and get you out of your sourpuss mode. Isn't that better than hearing: What the hell are you doing home so early? Or: I'm hungry,what's for dinner? I'd rather hear "How was your day sweetheart? or "I've missed you sweet pea. How about a neck massage?" With Mountain Mama's vast knowledge/opinion about everything in life, I'd rather be single, climbing the walls and hearing that soothing voice when I get in the door at night. So, what else is new with you? Nothing? So don't bore me to death - only I can do that. How about some more tee-shirt slogans - "Hi I'm Not Here!",  "Blond In Heat",  "Will F___k for Food" uh, did I just write that?  One more stupid one: " The Greatest Beauty Secret is to Wear a Paper Bag Over Your Head" God that's dumb. Just don't forget to cut out holes for your eyes genius. One last one to keep you happy? Okay, here goes: "Tattoos and Piercing While You Wait" Now did you guys had enough already? I'm done. Signing off - over and out....                Mountain Mama Japan  .

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Mountain Mama JAPAN: Ban World Food Mauling!

Mountain Mama JAPAN: Ban World Food Mauling!: Hi people!  Great start to the new year - rapidly getting a little frayed around the corners since we're moving into the second month. What'...

Ban World Food Mauling!

Hi people!  Great start to the new year - rapidly getting a little frayed around the corners since we're moving into the second month. What's this about a "fresh start" crap? Still got millions of stuff to do - no different than before. Whoops! forgot to be positive - okay, I can ignore everything - like get lazy/hazy and do what sounds good for me. Well, I have a real issue that you should know about: It's how food is touched to death by chefs/cooks around the world. Why would kitchen professionals arrange/adjust/move/alter/modify/finger. and literally kill the original shape/size/color/texture of food? The worst offenders have to be Japanese chefs - "In the name of art" they proclaim. Well folks, I have a thing or two to say to these guys - STOP mauling it now! So says Mountain Mama, the country bumpkin from the boonies. You're here to take my advice, right? Well - just gather it/wash it/ dump it in an all purpose pot and cook the thing(s) until it stops moving and you will have the meal that any top chef from any country will be so-o envious of! Might even win one of those fancy awards from France! Had enough already? No? Okay one more: You heard me say "GO BIG OR GO HOME"? Now I'm saying: "BE NICE OR GO HOME".  That means me - so bye now....
                                            Mountain Mama Japan   on my way out for sushi

Sunday, December 30, 2012

Mountain Mama JAPAN: Aging Whiners

Mountain Mama JAPAN: Aging Whiners: Hi everyone on this (almost) last day of 2012. I have one more gripe that a gotta stick in - What does "aging gracefully" mean?  Like are th...

Aging Whiners

Hi everyone on this (almost) last day of 2012. I have one more gripe that I gotta stick in - What does "aging gracefully" mean?  Like are there any set rules that society demands? According to Mountain Mama (who claims to be a thousand years old), there are people who are born with old souls and others (me for example!) Ha! born with young souls. No matter what the number is you're always young - may look young, act young or think young, and that there is a vast future with many possibilities to experience yet. Now, for this graceful stuff - does that mean "naturally" let things go like the hair, bod, energy levels? You fill in the rest of the aging stuff - too much for me to do here. Well, you woman blessed with a secure relationship, finances, and support system can comfortably  pack on a "few" pounds, let the gray roots be seen by the masses - what the hell!  Take your "graceful" someplace else. You guys can fade away! - gives the other half less competition. I'm personally for doing what I can without going under the knife. Keep it all together for as long as I can. It's empowering. If I can control at least some of the processes - then I will make the choice to do it. I don't have much sympathy for the whiny guys who didn't take care of themselves, abused their bods and developed chronic stuff in later life. So with my anti-aging campaign in mind, have fun in the new year - just watch the boozy, druggy, and ciggies. Yeah?  See you next.... Hey you! respect your elders.
                                                    Mountain Mama Japan

Saturday, November 17, 2012

Mountain Mama JAPAN: Deranged Pack of Squirrels

Mountain Mama JAPAN: Deranged Pack of Squirrels: Hey there! It's been a while again but been deeply thinking about the next hot topic - which is our old friend when we are down and out, mos...

Deranged Pack of Squirrels

Hey there! It's been a while again but been deeply thinking about the next hot topic - which is our old friend when we are down and out, mostly when we move - NO it's not money - it's that rental locker/ someones' attic/ storage unit/ cartons etc. Well, the only think that I can think of folks is - DON"T DO IT. Throw the stuff away, sell it or give it to charity. There I said it! Look, in reality, if you really don't use it now or very soon - trust me on this, YOU NEVER WILL. Toys the kids don't play with anymore, Christmas presents from Auntie someone (guilty!) or houshold stuff that's seen a better day - you know "Out of sight out of mind" saying. Well, it can cause major stress (don't I know!)  if you have to wade through the carnage daily. It's a hell of alot easier to get rid of the problem by dumping it in a storage space. Then the hard part is keeping up with the monthly payment. What about if it's in your cellar and it gets wet? Hello mildew and mold. Totally unusable. Fire, theft (honored if they love my stuff), mice or cockroaches - yum-yum! Did you ever try to wear an article of clothing after it got wet, stinks, with moth holes gracing the front? May I add the arrangement of the holes is look better than some modern art in a fancy overpriced gallery. Okay, take this quick test - tell me you couldn't stop at ONE storage area - like you get addicted and need more and more space as you collect things in life. You know - you can't stop at one tattoo - you need another one, then that gets old and you are planning for a third? Well the unit guys are getting rich on your obsession. What you "forget about" there goes to auction - there's even a TV show about this. Are we as humans a pack of deranged squirrels hiding our loot? I'm reformed - healed this mini hording illness on my own and now choose to live with less. I'll be glad to help anyone with this "disorder" since I'm a survivor!  See you next time guys.   
                                                 Mountain Mama Japan

Monday, October 1, 2012

Mountain Mama JAPAN: Part Time Pregnant

Mountain Mama JAPAN: Part Time Pregnant: Hey guys! Yeah it's been a while and my excuse is - are you ready for this? Okay - I couldn't think of anything to write! Love my own excuse...

Part Time Pregnant

Hey guys! Yeah it's been a while and my excuse is - are you ready for this? Okay - I couldn't think of anything to write! Love my own excuse....   Well I do have some soulful insights that I'm sure  you can't wait to hear about:  Now let's see - Oh, here they are:  The trick in life is to find a place, a job, a role, a marriage or partnership and family as well as a position in society that allows you to be who you really are and remain authentic to yourself.  Now I'm getting warmed-up!  So the next one is about "luck"  It's when opportunity meets preparation ( Don't agree? Well mother told you NOT to throw those chips around the gambling table!)   On aging - Some people are old at 30 - oldness happens when you don't have or lose sight of your dreams. Our lives are as much shaped by decisions as anything else. I believe that at every moment you are making at least three decisions - what you are going to focus on, what does it mean and what you're going to do about it. The difference between people is HOW they make those decisions as well. Okay, I've had enough of this spiritual crapola. Got a real serious dilemma about something that's come up during the political race in the U.S.  One candidate stated he is pro-life always! - however FOR abortion in cases of rape etc., Now, what my problem with this is: then he's FOR abortion - like being pro-choice because you are either for or against it no matter what the reasons are. It's like being half pregnant - how does that work?  I'm outta here pondering the meaning of life (again)....  See 'ya when I see 'ya.
                                                  Mountain Mama Japan  

Monday, August 27, 2012

Mountain Mama JAPAN: Selfish Stem Cells

Mountain Mama JAPAN: Selfish Stem Cells: Hey folks! It's been a while but here I am. Starting off with some serious stuff that Mountain Mama can't let go of. Look, everyone is entit...

Selfish Stem Cells

Hey folks! It's been a while but here I am. Starting off with some serious stuff that Mountain Mama can't let go of. Look, everyone is entitled to their own opinions and beliefs - and so am I. There has been lots of information out there in the last few years about the pros and cons/do's and dont's of stem cell research. But what it boils down on why it's not widely used now seems to be religion and funding. The technology is falling into place as I write this, but certain  do-gooders in society fail to see how much this advanced research can help millions of people now and future generations with spinal injuries and diseases we never even heard of. It's like a miracle! Yes, I said HELP people - that's what I thought religion was all about. It is a very complex issue, but in my pea brain it sounds  SELFISH  to me. Maybe I'm more spiritual than religious but I would fight for ANY technology that I thought would help the masses. Already much time has been wasted by our elected officials (as screwed-up as you can get) with all of their posturing and bluffing. Who do they think they are - God? How dare they play around with potential cures for severe dieases in the name of religion. How about the hapless taxpayers who are funding endless wars in places that will never, ever have peace ( just check the history books on this), and  will never see the results of them helping people like they would want to. What the hell is going on? Where did common sense and good morals go to?
Now with this said, I can't think of anything cute or funny to say - so I'll end it for now....  but I'm here for you  -  drop in anytime 'ya all.  Bye
                                                Mountain  Mama  Japan

Friday, June 15, 2012

Mountain Mama JAPAN: Mt. Fuji Wannabe

Mountain Mama JAPAN: Mt. Fuji Wannabe: Hi there everyone in this intense rainy season!  Got a little gripe with all the news coverage about the new tallest in the world antenna (a...

Mt. Fuji Wannabe

Hi there everyone in this intense rainy season!  Got a little gripe with all the news coverage about the new tallest in the world antenna (and may I say the ugliest in the world) Tokyo latest attraction. To little 'ol humble me, it looks like a man's private parts. Gimme a break guys. I can't stand all the trumpet blowing about this thing. What the hell was wrong with the late, great Tokyo Tower? It just had a few miles on it - like yours truly! Ha! The final straw was how the "Sky Tree" - the name also kills me - is being compared to Mt. Fuji!  Good God folks, please don't do that as "my" mountain is a real spirtual treasure - some say she's angry and ready to blow her top - like in volcano and lava - hope not in my time though!   Well, all in all,  wonder if Sky Tree will be swaying to and fro during an earthquake ending up like a Japanese version of the Leaning Tower of Pisa.  So what else is happening? Nada....    How about some more tee shirt goodies?  REAL Wealth is Judged by Freedom.   We Are Now What We Did Then.   Unemployed - Un- Everything and Loving It!  One last one to keep you nice and bored:  NO GREEN, NO LIFE, NOTHING MOVES BUT THOUGHTS IN YOUR HEAD.        Bye Bye as you try to figure what that means....                       Mountain Mama Japan
                                                              

Saturday, June 2, 2012

Mountain Mama JAPAN: Pleasure Forever Diet

Mountain Mama JAPAN: Pleasure Forever Diet: Hey - What's up folks?  Did anyone of you hear about the "Pleasure Forever Diet"? No?  Okay, it's about self-regulation rather than self-con...

Pleasure Forever Diet

Hey - What's up folks?  Did anyone of you hear about the "Pleasure Forever Diet"? No?  Okay, it's about self-regulation rather than self-control. Are you still with me here? Good, then I can continue with my brilliant theory: It is also not about willpower but it is about tackling your emotional issues first. Once you've done this, maybe with some self-help books or professional guidance, you are on your way to looking HOT! and healthy!  WOW stuff is happening!  Well rooty-toot-toot for you pal - you got it! What was the word again? Yep - SELF-REGULATION.  Now about the diet itself:  No, once again, it's not any fad diet to get to your fighting weight, but a maintance food plan to do for the rest of your life. It's like basically, three meals a day and two or three small snacks spaced in between so you don't flip out and eat your shirt or something. Haven't I said this kind of thing before on previous blogs? Well, you decide exactly what you should shovel into your mouth by studying about carbs, fats, proteins in a healthy balance( what's the problem? - it's not that hard) then you can put together a loose, a little flexible diet that's right for yourself. This way you may include small amounts of chocolate, pizza, hey! even junk food!  But I did say "tiny" didn't I? You're safe now - now that you have a way to go forever. With this diet, you'll be alive and kicking for the next one hundred years - hanging out with me, side by side in our matching rocking chairs!    Next topic - if you can call it that - is about kids today and how they are not children but (very) mature people in little bodies probably due to being introduced to all that hi-tech stuff too soon .  The age of being a true kid is over with parents living in in a make-believe wonderland while rearing them. They are either too strict, like self-described "monster parents" at school, or act so marshmallow-y that they don't guide, just react after the kid's bad actions by whinning, or yelling some empty threats - totally ineffective. Both extremes suck - really suck. Good luck if you can find some happy balance in all of this.  See you next time - I hope not in jail.
                                          Mountain Mama Japan

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Mountain Mama JAPAN: Vulgar Mama

Mountain Mama JAPAN: Vulgar Mama: Hey there - Yo!  What's going on? Have you guys been keeping up with your walking all this time? No-o- I haven't checked lately. Look. it's ...

Vulgar Mama

Hey there - Yo!  What's going on? Have you guys been keeping up with your walking all this time? No-o- I haven't checked lately. Look. it's only a little walking - not asking you to lift a thousand pounds or something. What do you need a push from a Jewish mama? Okay.... I;m pushing - so do it already. Ten thousand steps a day gets you a skinny tushie like me (sort of).  Good - now about my next favorite subject - Vulgarity.  Ha! Well, for your information it's a hell of alot more exciting than supposed "good taste", which is nothing more than a standardized way of looking at things. I smell mass bordom in the making.   There is a new language quiz/exercise book out on the market especially designed for teachers who talk too much and or want to save their voices to scream at their spouses at home. The lessons are geared to shut up the instructors and let the students take the floor for a change.  It must be a best seller especially in Japan.   Another new book out is a 1-2-3 dirt cheap/easy cookbook for slobs. The recipes creatively throw together anything you can find in the 50% off bin at the supermarket. I warn you - it ain't fancy but even if you've never boiled water, you can handle these "stew" looking recipes like a pro.   Can we please move on to the next topic? Yeah? no problem - were ya still thinking what the 1-2-3- means?  Slam bam thank you ma'am comes to mind - but that's my vulgar mind in action.  So, you kept with it, you managed to read up till here - I'm so proud of you!  Does that mean you are out there w-a-l-k-i-ng today?  No? I'm being naggy?  Okay - you.... this is punishment! ten push-ups and lifting two 1 quart bottles filled of water high above your head. Don't knock over your halo while you're up there.    Love you too,
                                                 Mountain  Mama  Japan

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Mountain Mama JAPAN: Love Hotel Stock Options

Mountain Mama JAPAN: Love Hotel Stock Options: Hey! Back again for some more unrelated tidbits of info: The government of Japan are trying to find ways to get people to have more children...

Love Hotel Stock Options

Hey! Back again for some more unrelated tidbits of info: The government of Japan are trying to find ways to get people to have more children as the birth rate is going down.  Better housing and more child care options were suggested however, with these old boy, government official farts at the helm of this dilemma, nothing was done. They just didn't get it with their farm mentality on procreativity. Next subject is about hotels/motels that cater to hourly rentals. You guys must know what I'm talking about - right? Well in the Orient they're called "love hotels", very original name in my opinion! It has more of an atmosphere of rauncy elegance, designed with an admirable single-minded of purpose.... even a first timer wouldn't be left wondering what supposed to happen next.  At one point of my life I was thinking of buying some stock in one of those big hotel companies that was listed as an "up and coming" business venture. With my luck I'd end up cleaning toilets instead of enjoying the profits. I think the deciding factor was that I would feel nauseous spinning around on the circular water bed under a mirrored ceiling. At least everything was pink and black - my favorite color combination, you know the poodle thing.  I must tell you about my historical Meiji era bad woman (my hero!) called  Takahashi Oden. She managed to wack more men than you can count. A real black widow spider. If she didn't like you - you're done. Was strung up high for her crimes. Sorry to see her go .   Wasn't that enough?  Yeah?  Okay, bye.
                                         Mountain Mama Japan

Saturday, April 21, 2012

Mountain Mama JAPAN: Skinny Bitching

Mountain Mama JAPAN: Skinny Bitching: Hi guy! What's up with you?  A-okay over here.  Well, I do have a real serious subject to share with you:  FOOD and EATING ....and  EATING a...

Skinny Bitching

Hi guys! What's up with you?  A-okay over here.  Well, I do have a real serious subject to share with you:  FOOD and EATING ....and  EATING and FOOD. Just think, like use your imagination - like ALOT! What if humans didn't ever have the need to eat again? You know what that means, in terms of thinking about it,(obsessing) about it daily, worring about tainted, unsafe additives, crowded supers, preparing meals, and never dealing with FOOD ISSUES? Restaurants wouldn't exist and kitchens could be used for extra living room space. No one but no one would get fat again. No more counting calories or the other heavy stuff connected with it would happen, nor would many of the chronic health problems from poor eating habits. No more stress about food, food, food!! Just think of all the extra time you would have in the day to do the activities that you want to. Another important point is how much money you could save - no more food bills or  splurging on expensive meals. There is understandably a huge market in the food industry. This will cease to exist and new industries will emerge. New grass roots! Just how much pleasure do you get from a chocolate bar, piece of fried chicken, hamburger with a side of fries, or cheese cake?  Tons - yeah?  Well folks - hate to disappoint you but if there isn't any of THIS kind of pleasure, you will have to find NEW ways of having your "pleasure buttons" pressed!  A few suggestions from the in-house expert - yours truly is:  Hanging out more with people you want to be with, doing more stuff outdoors in natural settings, spending quality time on work and family (remember no more weighing the prospects of what or what not to eat). The last idea is far the best!  Sex!  That could push a few pleasure buttons out there!  The moral of this story is to transfer the feelings - like the rush you get from the act of putting things into your mouth -  yum yum words are no more - to other activities. This takes extensive training but worth it 'cause you'll become a skinny bitch in no time!  Okay! The science fiction lesson is over for today. See you next time....
                                                  Mountain Mama Japan  

Thursday, April 5, 2012

Mountain Mama JAPAN: Geek Capitol of the World

Mountain Mama JAPAN: Geek Capitol of the World: Hi folks! Ready for an important announcement of "Geek of the Week" award?  Yep, your truly won hands down! Quite an honor for a former moto...

Geek Capitol of the World

Hi folks! Ready for an important announcement of "Geek of the Week" award?  Yep, your truly won hands down! Quite an honor for a former motorcycle gang type fashion/tattoo look to a conservative, mono colored appearance kind of gal. Why the huge change?  I don't know - maybe I love boring myself to death or something. Look, geeks/nerds EXIST plain as that.  I don't know much about what they do but they are brainy. In high school while I was doing my cool stuff like baton twirling, they were burning the midnight oil studing how living things moved - too high tech even to pronounce the words. At this point of my life I have become immersed in technology - like how to use one of those new-fangled phones. Just press the "call" button when wanting to make a call. God was that hard or what? With all of the great advances in Japan (tagged as the geek capitol of the world especially because of the anime boom I imagine),  these guys are running amuck all over the place. So what happened to all the dopier ones? The party animals are dead. Can't chill anymore - and that why I migrated into this group. No more telling my joke about the factory that makes novelities such as whoopee cushions and plastic dog doo. That's what I'll miss the most I think.  My new friends force me to use my noggin and that could be risky. It  opened up a can of worms as they say. Now my smarty- pants friends have led me to become vocal in political issues here. I'm anti everything.  Ban the nukes!!           See you again,  Mountain Mama Japan

Friday, March 23, 2012

Mountain Mama JAPAN: Fear Factor

Mountain Mama JAPAN: Fear Factor: Hey You Guys! Whatz-up? Wanna hear something on everyone being afraid today? Yeah.... fear of bombs, wars, disasters, dieases, getting fat, ...

Fear Factor

Hey You Guys! Whatz-up? Wanna hear something on everyone being afraid today? Yeah.... fear of bombs, wars, disasters, dieases, getting fat, not getting rich and successful, and last but not least, the fear of looking dumb. Like there must be millions of other fears people have - too many to list here. Since I have listed my "favorite" fear of not looking dumb - I guess I can continue on to gripe about lost articles. Would you believe missing a sock or a glove? Cause everything gotta be in a pair with me. My OCD personality is kicking in when I don't see two things that are supose to be a pair, together. God it's annoying. A single sport shoe kills me too. Well the good part is you only need ONE hat at a time cause you should have only ONE head - and that's a relief. See folks - I'm not that dumb!   * Talking about success stories is when you're on your way to a lifetime goal - the worst thing that can happen is summed up in one word:  DISTRACTION. Lots of self-help books talk about this very thing.  So stay focused already!  Listen to me! I'm the authority around here! ( Didn't I write in a past blog; AUTHORITY SUCKS!)?  Whoops.   See Ya all again....  
                                                      Mountain Mama Japan 

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

Mountain Mama JAPAN: Anti - Drama Queens

Mountain Mama JAPAN: Anti - Drama Queens: Hi again.... and again!   Got some thoughts about the differences of a New Yorker and a Tokyo persons' psyche. In New York you must constant...

Anti - Drama Queens

Hi again.... and again!   Got some thoughts about the differences of a New Yorker and a Tokyo persons' psyche. In New York you must constantly assert yourself - if you don't, you won't get anywhere. You have to say everything, It's always necessary to verbalize every thought, every feeling.  Sure it's an exciting city, with all the entertainment and culture available but pl-e-a-s-e!  give me a break with all the drama!  Tokyites are learning fast but are still a different breed. Everything is so orderly. People act in a certain way because of their ranking in this vertical society. * Now anyone up for some more grammatical howlers seen on jackets and tee shirts? 
 #1 EVERYTHING!   Ugh....  Sooner or Later We Begin to Resemble (act like) Our Worst Enemies.   (gotta think more about this one)  and another one that will wake you guys up:   XXXRated - Girls Girls Girls Nude, Lewd, and Crude   ( just thinking about the equal rights stuff) and a last one that brings me to wonder how anyone could actually design something like this:    TOKYO SUCKS!   ( I never said New York sucks - at least give me some credit here!)       Bye for now    Mountain Mama Japan

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Mountain Mama JAPAN: Trailer Park Mama

Mountain Mama JAPAN: Trailer Park Mama: Hey you guys! Still around - like alive? Good.... That means you'll want to read this. Just a little word about taxi drivers in Tokyo - ...

Trailer Park Mama

Hey you guys! Still around - like alive? Good....  That means you'll want to read this.    Just a little word about taxi drivers in Tokyo - They often get lost, granted there are no individual street addresses, but a tangled, incomprehensible mix of unrelated numbers residing side by side. Okay! the cabbies are forgiven for this. I do have another beef with these formally dressed and well groomed gentlemen - it must be thrilling to them to ignore potential customers on a cold, wet night. Unless you hold up two or three fingers which means you're desperate enought to pay double or triple the fare, No stop-y. Look, they don't make any tips (not a custom in this country) so there's no incentive to be nice like we are!   * One more thing about beautiful Japan:  They love nature!  As long as it doesn't take up too much space - and can be sold for an enormous profit.  Like bonsai - tiny trees that take up so much time to care for it leave no time for work or family. Never heard of a "bonsai widow" or "bonsai divorce" but you never know. *  Wanna hear some more tee-shirt slogans? No? Well you're gonna hear it anyway "cause it's killing me to remember all this stuff.    HEY LIVER LIPS!   Not so funny? Okay, I'll try another one or two: " Anything closer to FREE rhymes with me!"  No again? Gee, I don't want to screw up anymore - got some pride!  Alright, here goes:  How to look cool:  dangling pair of dice over your dashboard, pink flamigos on your weedy, postage stamp sized lawn and last but not least - drum roll please....  a wobbly hula dancer figurine also gracing your crowded car dashboard.  What an intense statement!  I was just describing my current situation (and I don't think that I'm trailer park trash - not yet but might be headed that way!)  Bye everybody - I'm afraid to write more about this except for the new 'tat I need - like a hole in the head.                     Mountain Mama Japan

Sunday, February 26, 2012

Mountain Mama JAPAN: Toxic Bod Issues

Mountain Mama JAPAN: Toxic Bod Issues: Hello, hello.... How are we today? Yeah? That bad is it? Well, fuhgeddaboutit and listen to this: The best company manager/leader isn't abo...

Toxic Bod Issues

Hello, hello.... How are we today? Yeah? That bad is it? Well, fuhgeddaboutit and listen to this:  The best company manager/leader isn't about any particular individual but it is the meeting of customer needs, achieving long-term growth and success for shareholders and employees, as well as being passionate about the company's products and services. Gee, it sounds like the dream team or something! On the other hand, someone who doesn't have the ability or belief makes him/her toxic. A lack of understanding what it takes to grow, scale down or adapt will outdate his future worth to the organization. Know anyone here? I do! And it ain't me. *Now a great thought about personal perfection. "Why do you need to be so perfect on earth? Is there a report card waiting for you in heaven? " Never heard this from the guy upstairs. * Haven't been giving any new ideas on dieting, or lack of lately. Well, guys don't think that I forgot about the bod issue, I've been busy that's all. Now is the time to start thinking about what goes down this summer. Yo! the beach thing is looming. All you have to do is walk - I've been after you before about this. Do it every day! Hey - book you too! Don't get high falutin with me pal - just get out there. And NO Starbucks/ Mac/ pizza house on the way back honey. In a few months you will be toned up - and HOT.  Good luck - love ya too.  I admit that I change my tune when I talk turkey. It's very emotional. Look, I like you readers to feel and look your best - like gorgeous forever!  Enough said - so it's rendezvous time!  One-two, one-two.  Swing those bat wings while you jiggle down the street to the beat of your own drummer.  See you! 
                                                         Mountain Mama Japan

Sunday, February 19, 2012

Mountain Mama JAPAN: Anti Mousey

Mountain Mama JAPAN: Anti Mousey: Hey! What's up? Still hanging in there? Great, I'm happy that you're here too. Now, to get down to business.... What is with this Micky cr...

Anti Mousey

Hey! What's up? Still hanging in there? Great, I'm happy that you're still here.   Now, to get down to business....  What is with this Micky craperoo? anybody else sick and tired of the mouse stuff? Can I mention the "D" word? No, not divorce but Disneyland. Sure the kids love it and bully for them. But give me a break guys - Disney has spread itself thin over the millions of years since Walt has come up with the idea. Now the logo is on EVERYTHING like stuff that adults use and get this - toilet seats. I refuse to sit down and squash a "mouse". How about you?  People in Japan are getting hitched by the droves at the Disney hotels. Included in this crazyness are life sized characters that dance around the newly wedded kiddies.   Give me a Goofy any day! Got some upbeat stuff to relate -  "When you're truly happy - you don't care about being judged by others"  Ain't that true?  Next tidbit is about the Extreme Rush Junkie. It's someone  who actually enjoys doing risky activities like to name a few: Jumping off of cliffs into God knows where, tightroping between two buildings without a net and more. Do you know anyone like this?  Or should I say, Do you know anyone who "expired" like this?  I knew a few of these morans, never was impressed with the action, just thought that they were demented. Now how about some mellow words seen on tee shirts? "Over here Sweetie"  and  "Memory Motel * Hey - it happened way back - OK?"
             Bye-bye to all the Mickeys of the world,  Mountain Mama Japan

Thursday, February 9, 2012

Mountain Mama JAPAN: Bargains for Tightwads

Mountain Mama JAPAN: Bargains for Tightwads: Hi to everyone brave enough to read this! You know with the screwed-up economy these days, just to hear the word "bargain" is like music to...

Bargains for Tightwads

Hi  everyone brave enough to read this!  You know with the screwed-up economy these days, just to hear the word "bargain" is like music to our ears. Well, what about the meaning of a "true bargain, special price, discount", or another million ways to say: Come 'n get it folks it's CHEAP! I'm just saying what it means to you alone. So how does the process start? Mental stuff that you can't shake when you wake up in the morning. Like the feeling that nothing is going your way at home or at work. You hit the stores right! Nothing better than a little instant "treat" - better than patting yourself on your back (easier said than done according to me, did some serious damage with my arm socket). Anyway, that's one kind of person with the stress issues. Another kind of person is Mr./Ms.Perfect  who checks the internet or other sources for info about the product first. I prefer to go by word of mouth - remembering the time before machines and phones were invented. Hey! I'm starting to lose it even when any word that sounds like a SALE is uttered. Help I'm drooling! All I need are the bright lights, the action and the sound - the roar of the crowds and I'm right there in the middle of everything. So, from now, the only thing I can say as a former, reformed shop-aholic with boarding OCD hoarder tendencies, and self-appointed counselor to the masses, the truth is simple: buy only something you LOVE, never, never settle for: "Eh! it's okay, oh well".  It might or might not be the least expensive or God forbid! NOT a sale item,but you will enjoy looking at it and use it until it wears out. And this is the moral of what a true bargain is! So do I have to "sell" you on my own qualifications for this brilliant assessment? All right - I am an authority on this 'cause I can be a total cheapskate when I want to be. Hands down, I'm cheaper than you'll ever be, even if you''re from New York (no offense intended). That's why I know my stuff.  Are we finished here? I hope so. I'm getting so stressed  and twitchy. Gotta hit the mall. Don't fight me on this.
                                                     Bye,  Mountain Mama Japan over and out

Saturday, February 4, 2012

Mountain Mama JAPAN: Doggy Tattoos Rule!

Mountain Mama JAPAN: Doggy Tattoos Rule: Hi! I just have one burning question: Do I have to play the count down game when the snow, cold (may I squeeze in MISERY) is over and done w...

Doggy Tattoos Rule!

Hi! I just have one burning question: Do I have to play the count down game when the snow, cold (may I squeeze in MISERY) is over and done with? Is there anyone else with me? Sheesh! how can you love it? Especially if you're a thousand years old like I am. I'm done with the "fun" sporty snow stuff that kids love to do out there. So here I am stuck with the adult leftovers of shoveling, cursing busted water pipes, and hauling kerosene to fill up the "high tech" yeah right....  heaters. Never once have I gotten the entire thing in without spilling it - kinda my trademark. So, what's new with you? Oh, nothing? I thought so. Does that mean that I have to carry the whole burden of entertaining you?  Oi vay ( for you New Yorkers). Hello! is there anyone home? Just a little bit more - force yourself to stay here! Okay.... another HOT subject of crucial interest:  Pet tattoos. Actually it's done with wipe-off ink so that these newby tat artist - owners think that it's the cat's meow ( or if you want to go futher back in history: the bee's knees) of doggy/kitty coolness. God, what about the animals whose hair is dyed to match "mommy's"? I've seen, more than once in beautiful downtown Tokyo, couples strutting around with some yappy dogs in a baby carriage, sporting little outfits that cost a mint. How _ ussy whipped are these guys anyway?  Now for the highlights of the day!  Ready and waiting with your tongues hanging out? Yeah? Okay, here goes: As seen on a tee shirt: DRUNK DUDES LOVE ME  and on another one:  DRUNK CHICKS LOVE ME  I could never figure out which gender should wear which. That's your job to do. Oh, a last tiny one I saw:  Leave That Loser  N-O-W.  Sounds good....    Bye
                                                          Mountain Mama Japan

Saturday, January 28, 2012

Mountain Mama JAPAN: Internet Date Site Freaks

Mountain Mama JAPAN: Internet Date Site Freaks: Hi everyone on the coldest day of 2012. Welcome to the land of hypochondriacs. They really have something to worry about when graphic pictur...

Internet Date Site Freaks

Hi everyone on the coldest day of 2012. Welcome to the land of hypochondriacs. They really have something to worry about when graphic pictures of athlete's foot sufferers greet you at the door of every drug store in Japan. C'mon, it's gross.  Another "tip" from you know who - this time on the internet dating site photos. Look, I'll be up front and honest with you guys, NO ONE, but NO ONE cares what great activities you do, how smart you are (save that kudo for mommy) or that you're built, equipped (figure that one out doo-doo head) if you look like a freak in your profile pic. Take a second to have the honey bees buzzing around  - put on a clean shirt, fix your do, avoid ducktails and mallot cuts please. Retro/spiky is okay (according to me). Even if you think that you're u-gu-ly (can't say ugly) flash a nice friendly smile, always a winner! and wait for the ladies to line up 'cause YOU HOT BRAH.  You know today I can't talk about Plain Jane because the next chapter about is too painful but in time I can tell it all to you - just wait. Okay just a tad more about it....If I start acting weird or creepy I'll stop. Jane knew that she would be creating a new set of rules for herself by looking at another society from the outside in. Scary. The part that I don't like was (if I may jump ahead a few weeks with this) is how she came to be a Ginza hostess. Stupid and grueling work - well, yeah.... it's tough sitting and entertaining some rich smucks ( one more reason to hate the  rich!).Some having serious personal hygiene issues( Maybe THAT 'S what was bothering me I don't know).  More about Jane's adventures next time if you can stand the suspense.  How about a cute closing thing before I have a breakdown? Yeah - here it goes: You can never escape your class - so quit trying already. And last: Screw the planet - save yourself....     Bye, I'm tuckered out....
Mountain Mama Japan

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Big Nose Diet

Hey guys!  Here we are again for some more things you need to know. How about some more nagging about the beauty of dieting? Ok? great. A few tips to remind you about your mental state which keeps you focused FOREVER!  Put a "before" photo of yours truly smack where your will eyeball it as you slide open the refrigerator/shelves/cubbyholes or other hiding places. This is visual inspiration to the max which helps with the staying power thing. You folks over that certain age - don't mean to be rude, or come on too strongly - you know, the bifocals set -don't forget to plaster them across your face, no excuses that you couldn't hone in on it. Next is looking at your OVERALL progress - rather than those daily torturing weigh-ins. I think that it's more stressful than trying to squeeze into something and hearing it go r-i-p in a dressing room of a high-end shop with bitchy (and skinny) sales help.  Another thought is to stay clear of your friendly sabotagers. Misery loves company as the saying goes - yep, avoid them like the plague.  One good one is keeping your sneakers, dumb bells (why the hell are they called that?) treadmills (Oh God, love to trip over these things on a toilet run in the middle of the night) and workout clothes - stinky as they are - all out in plain sight. You people with an OCD condition of hoarding with enjoy this sight every morning when you wake up!  Last on Mountain Mama's short list is to read others' success stories a great motivator unless the ending isn't so happy - you know where I'm going with this - Hee Hee! they managed to gain it all back and then some more.  Good luck to you! And if you want to stay on my good side, DON'T screw this up.   And now my pet peeve of the day is all about the narrow wine/drinking glasses offered here in Japan in some fancy-smancy watering hole - err... restaurant. Look, let's be honest, with a honker like mine there is NO way in hell that I can squeeze it into such a narrow hole, sip the contents like a lady and withdraw it with the liquid still in my mouth, without the entire population of the restaurant sucking in their breaths simultaneously at the foreigners great feat. Now I know that's why the waiters brings over wide mouth glasses when they see me coming. Must even have a nose measuring stick stuck in a drawer some place for this purpose. Write in if you ever heard of such a thing. So, I unburdened my soul! That's what this blog is all about! Glad it hit home. Don't ask me what you can look foward to in the next one, I don't know....       Whew! is it over? Sort of. I guess so.  Goodbye and - oh, stop rattling me, I'm trying to end this thing. Ok, this is final....final  bye-bye.   bye.                                          Mountain Mama Japan

Saturday, January 14, 2012

Mountain Mama JAPAN: Recipe From Hell

Mountain Mama JAPAN: Recipe From Hell: Yep, it's one of these days again - not the weather or feeling "under the weather" but a real blah day. Absolutely nothing but nothing happe...

Recipe From Hell

Yep, it's one of these days again - not the weather or feeling "under the weather" but a real blah day. Absolutely nothing but nothing happening. I'm here to change things - right? So lemme at 'em! O-ka-a-y, here we go.... Some  tips for your daily existence: Never take a tranquilizer  (or any pill for that matter) without water. Ugh,  tweeze your eyebrows without a mirror (what eyebrows?),  ride a roller coaster after auntie's famous double cheese fried steak dish - trust me on this one, been there, done that. Run through the door first and have it slam on your date's face - Only done in one country in the world - Japan! Yes, land of gentlemen and flatened gentlewomen.  Ready for another one? Yeah? Never thought you'd ask:   Like tattoo's? Meeting a guy with some could be a real great conversation starter: "Hey love the tat's! Like what were you in for? Oh, an axe murderer? How charming. Can't wait to be alone with you dear."   Now, for the serious stuff:  How about a recipe for a change? It's called:  Mountain Mama's Winter Pudding. Aren't you all excited? It takes 2 eggs - don't get smart - how would I know if it's free range or not? Next is 2 cups of bread pieces, yeah, stale or rock hard OK, just cut off the green/black part. 3 cups (hot) milk - again don't bother me  you-skinny-as-a-rail- folks, about skim, low fat or God forbid regular. Any kind will do.  Sugar is 1/2 cup - aha! I will not go there about the million reasons that you shouldn't, can't, don't with the sugar issue. Leave me alone OK? Just do what you gotta do and get some in there. Whew! I'm exausted and I haven't even finished listing the few cheap ( you know cheapskates love me!) ingredients into the freaken bowl. Now, there is also 1/2 teaspoon of vanilla (real or chemical- ladden fake) Stop it! and last, raisins/dried fruit (NOT rotten, hard stuff but sold by the pack as dried.)  Let's start already before I need those tranks without water: Beat the eggs, add the bread, hot milk, 1 tablespoon butter  OH NO! I forgot about the butter - sorry, but I get hysterical when I hear anything FAT, 'cause it's FAT that's why. Here's the thing, I also forgot (on purpose) the pinch of salt. Any of you guys with high BP sorry but it won't have any taste without some - just bear with it and up your meds for a day. So, where was I? Oh yeah,  Mix it up and dump it in a greased (grease is another dirty word in my skinny world) pan.You're on your own with this one. Bake for 40 minutes at 350c. How did it come out? Soupy? Crunchy? Did you turn on the oven? What were you doing for forty minutes? Oh I'm not allowed to ask? Alright, be a weasel. I'm leaving. Hope that you enjoyed your feast. Lick the spoon for me.  See you next,                        Mountain Mama Japan

Friday, January 6, 2012

Mountain Mama JAPAN: Fuzzy Logic 2012

Mountain Mama JAPAN: Fuzzy Logic 2012: Hey! So I heard that you want to enter a brand new, exciting phase in your life. Yeah, you do huh? Don't let me stop you - go for it! You kn...

Fuzzy Logic 2012

Hey! So I heard that you want to enter a brand new, exciting phase in your life. Yeah, you do huh? Don't let me stop you - go for it! You know that I'll start nagging you about the results of all those holiday parties. Don't get coy, you know what I'm after. Did you take some of my tips seriously? Like the listing of everything that passes your lips for at least three days? It's the easiest 'cause you educate yourself on what you need to do personally.
So what's going on with Jane and her secret diary? Well, she was thinking that she would be starting a new phase too. Her ultimate mission looked like school, but it ranked a close second to the real  thing which was excitement - money and men!  Now, what could a real plain girl get what she wanted? Physical appearance comes first because that's what people see (and might form some unfair opinions about, but that's humans for you.) Next is the mental stuff - I don't mean to get mushy or soft here, but unless they know something about you before hand, or if you tell an impressive short and sweet BS story, people you first meet  will lose interest and move on to the next victim.  It sounds tough that only your mother cares about what a good heart you have, but it's a tough world out there. I learned to be kind to others (yeah, I do have a kind heart - oh, can I throw in  that I'm honest and generous (sort of) too? I do this for myself, it makes ME feel good to be nice to others. I told you that I'm a me-me-me kind of girl didn't I?  Anyway, the object of the story is that trust and honesty must be earned. The valuable stuff takes time. So folks, as your working your tuchie off at the gym and killing yourself from keeping your wrinkles lining up on the road map of your face,  think about  who you want to be for you. It's your soul. I hope that this makes sense for you, I can't even remember what I wrote already - I want to move on to the fluffier stuff:  How about a little slogan or two?  OK! got it. "My parents never wanted anything for me except that me to become them."  On a tee-shirt: In a big wide space you can feel free (and nervous), Drug of choice: (sex or food) - affair or eclair? " Use it or lose it!" ahem.... you know what I mean gentleman. Wow, I've had enough - haven't you?  
                                                   Bye bye    Mountain Mama Japan

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Mountain Mama JAPAN: Core Values Suck

Mountain Mama JAPAN: Core Values Suck: Hey! So I did say that I'll be seeing you after the holidays are over - but I couldn't wait 'cause I missed you guys. Got some more stuff o...

Core Values Suck

Hey! So I did say that I'll be seeing you after the holidays are over - but I couldn't wait 'cause I missed you guys!  Got some more stuff on relationships:  The only way to experience a relationship is to open up and be real. You can't romantize people, making them like characters in a book you love, getting caught up in the IDEA of someone rather who they really ARE. You must learn to see the person clearly along with their issues, challenges and all their great qualities which attracted you to them in the first place. Instead of holding back emotionally and showing a prettied-up version of yourself, it's okay to show vulnerabilities - the feeling is liberating and awesome at the same time. Sometime a so-called good relationship will end abruptly when the "honeymoon" phase is over. It only might have been bad timing or a sticky, unadvoidable life circumstance. Mourn a reasonable amount of time by feeling safe and protected, until getting back in the rat race. Healthy and positive!  What can I say? Stuff like this happens all the time, you're ahead of the game only if you're a Superman with coping skills. Now as it is I'm pondering the meaning of life - yes sirree folks, this may be the deepest thought that Mountain Mama has ever had! It's what life really is about:  #1 Making one decision after another, big or small daily, and the other,  #2 Solving problems big or small, also constantly, on a daily basis. Yep that's it! All about Life 101....
I wonder if I can charm you in another way now - like some snappy slogans: Road kill - is it dead or is it dinner? School is cool but playing hooky is hot! And finally last - lucky you:  A hooker's heart doesn't have the proverbial  heart of gold, but pocesses a calculating heart WITH gold. Ain't that true?
                          Catch 'ya later alligator....  Mountain Mama Japan

Thursday, December 22, 2011

Mental Block Clinic During the Holidays

Hel-lo!   Just gotta discuss a crucial issue affecting the entire population of Japan - No it's not what you think - look, I'll give you a hint:  worn when it's cold or when the cedars go beserk. Yeah? you know? It's also my main pet peeve.  It's those stupid surgical masks. They might serve their purpose during a world epidemic of a super-duper buggy things but - please folks don't use them when you don't put your make-up on. It's like when you have a bad hair day - on goes the hat. Another time people wear these things is if they are hiding from the world. Or they are in their OWN world. Some of these recluses need a little unconditional loving to get them to strip and show their naked souls (whoops! I mean face).  This leads me to another subject of why you're not good at relationships. Get close to someone and the next thing you know, you've given them the power to wound, betray, irritate, abandon  or bore you senseless. My general policy is to keep my distance, thus avoiding a lot of unruly emotion - in psychiatic circles, there are names for people like this:  ALONE and LONELY.
So what else do you want to hear about?  As the holiday season gets closer, how about a stressful family party thought?  As it turns out both sides of the our family wanted to have their Christmas parties on the same day and all I want to do is to sit at home drooling on anti-psychotic medication and planning their demises. I get so stressed-out at this time of the year that by New Years there is no need for confetti 'cause I can explode at will all over the area of your choice.  Fuhgeddaboutit! as they say in New York. So guys.... forget about it.  Have your own party in your own home this year. No need to go gallivanting around the globe. So, with that said, have a good one  and don't be a jerk, boozer, tacky or a turd. Just be you.  See you next year.
                                     Mountain Mama Japan

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Plain Jane Discovering Her New 'tude

Hi again!  Welcome back for some more earth shattering revelations! Well it's suppose to be about our girl Plain Jane. So it is:  She was a student in a New York college at this time. Not being from an entitled family,  like most of the snots were from- daddies in trendy suits marching  or in this case, driving what most of keeping up with the Jones possessed: big, bad, foreign, richy looking cars. Jane, not born with A SILVER SPOON IN HER MOUTH (yofuku na ie ni umareru) can't forget those idioms folks - had to work it out on her own. Yeah, do stuff herself if she ever wanted to see any changes. Now,  isn't that a real Plain Jane for 'ya? Couldn't get closer than that.  I didn't tell you what she looked like, did I?  Pretty hot material I'd say. Kind of hidden beneath all the insecurities. See, she felt ordinary and boring. Never stood out in high school. I know our girl had like "assets" stuff you can see and other stuff you couldn't cause it was buried between her two ears. She wanted to break the mold somehow and get away from other girls from the city with short, brown mousey hair and big butts. Why the hell do these people all look alike? Jane was thinking at this time to change her name too- how daring can you get?  Wow- starting off with a new look, new name in a new place. Not thinking of family or college (oh, they'll survive and the college thing, up until age ninety is no problem) - well that's youth for you! You wonder what the connection to Japan is?- it's those pretty stick and  curley designed writing they call kanji in Japan and we know as Japanese characters.  It looked so awesome and  difficult to Jane at the same time.  She couldn't image these things were actually historical modes of communication. All she knew about this postage-sized country was that its' people were deranged worker ants toiling away for the good of mankind. Little did they know what would be happening in the upcoming years to change that. What! I'm not trying to scare the bejesus out of you - It's the truth.        Now for some more useless whatever....  Hey, get your mangy paws off of me - this is suppose to be fun, like get you sourpusses to crack a smile OK, got it?  Here goes-  If a woman's place is in the home, why am I always in the car?  There are old pilots and there are bold pilots - but no OLD, BOLD pilots....       BACK OFF  I'm with the band,  (I don't exactly get this one), and last:  God doesn't have grandchildren, just children. (This I get.)
                                               Signing off for now,  Rodger, over and  out,
                                                   Mountain Mama                               

Wednesday, December 14, 2011

Before Holiday Diet Boot Camp

Hi Everyone!   Look, let's start off with a bang before the holidays - Don't muffin top me! You need to get in some sort of control BEFORE the damage is done by Jewish/Italian or other great cooks/well-meaning mommies in the world. No one can get pushed more than those in New York according to me. They are the world's top guilt machines, built like bulldozers and firing off  "How thin you look dears'" by the armload. These ladies are more dangerous that any front- line combat zone. On the other hand, people who enjoy  treats daily are slimmer than the one measly weekly splurge. Yes,it works because you never feel deprived with having a square or two of chocolate or  another sweet buzz like a few cookies? do it. The message here is portion control - and like I wrote before - just a few bites , maybe break up the cookie - suddenly you have eight cookies from the two! Hee-Hee. Now we are getting into mind control. Oh my God.  Where is it written in stone that you have to eat a ten-year-old fruitcake? I get approached every year so I know.  I'm alive every year 'cause I don't. OK? enough about not developing a huge heinie/tuchis/can/butt - which ever term you can understand.
A question about relationships -   Would you rather be in a shorter, let's say a five to ten year happy, joyful one or a longer, twenty-five or thirty year miserable one? Be nicer to you. Give yourself a pat on your back while you're at it.  No one will love you more than yourself.   How about a few slogans that you can't live without? " Money can't buy happiness - that's what shopping is for!"   Old Buddist proverb: Don't eat your soul to fill your belly. "Anything cheaper would be illegal" a bargain store sign. In India there is a "Black Eye Detective Agency" doing a booming business I hear.   The Diary of Plain Jane will continue when I continue it.   Bye-bye folks             Mountain Mama Japan

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Secret Diary of a Plain Jane Part 2 Sort of the beginning

Hi!     Thanks for stopping by again.  Well, maybe I should start from the beginning - no, not the very beginning 'cause that would bore me to death. If I ever chose to read (or plotz as New Yorkers say), through my diary,  maybe on my deathbed or something, with all of my great-grand children circling around waiting to move in for the kill, with the little brats thinking that this lonely blog was somehow connected with my last will and testament, making them instant baby millionaires - they are dead wrong! Actually all I did was write stuff down when I felt like writing stuff down. You can say it was for the main three people in my life: No, not daddy, mommy and you-name-it extra person - but it's simple:  ME, MYSELF, and I.  Couldn't do better than that. Sounds selfish but so I am. I'm going to warn you I might be jumping around - it's hell trying to put together sentences from torn off notebook pages and squares of toilet paper.   Well, as far as I could tell the diary starts in a post (very post) occupation, pre (very pre) bubble Japan. It's an account of a twenty-something, x- know-it-all back home in the states,  and  a new, doesn't know anything about anything  girl in this dot-on-the-map, middle of nowhere postage-sized country. I just couldn't resist the challenge of totally turning my entire life around and taking off with one suitcase. I had a little intention I guess to study the writing, the roots of which are from China - Now they tell me! Wonder why I didn't just head for China instead of Japan. Maybe Japan was closer or  something. To be continued when I'm good and ready folks. How about mulling over some instructions on a bunch of bananas "Peel the banana before taking a bite "Oh my  God and I thought that Japanese people ranked way up in the world.  Another masterpiece is:  AUTHORITY  SUCKS"  Tell that to the SOB who pulled you over. You have your rights! You are a graduate of Woodstock '69 - no problem.      Bye for now,     Mountain Mama Japan

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Secret Diary of a Plain Jane Part 1

Hi folks - how was your week? Good I hope like mine - As it's said:  Even if you're rich, beautiful and smart, you still only get twenty-four hours in a day. So do what you can with what you've got.
I don't know how or where to start writing something like this since I never have before. It is  THE  SECRET DIARY OF A PLAIN JANE   Part 1 - I guess that I could say that this is just for my eyes only - like a private confession or something, but you guys are dying to know what really happened. Right? I did make a New Year's resolution to tell it all - even if it's corny or embarrassing, whatever. I thought maybe I'll become a famous writer! I would show those jerks in the office who's boss around there. Ha!  I really did start keeping a diary. Truth or dare! let it all hang out. Yeah, about everything and anything. I never thought that it would be a picnic - but nothing can stop me now. As I look back on what I wrote were bits and pieces of the daily bitch syndrome - but I did say that it was for my eyes only - didn't I?  Stay tuned for Part 2 next time - It takes forever to get to the juicy part but hang in there and you'll see Ms. Plain Jane in action.
Now, some more one liners you see (or don't want to see) on a dude strutting - or stumbling down the street.  YOU'RE IN DEEP YOU-KNOW-WHAT,   Sheesh! Next sounds more brillant:   FASTER, CHEAPER, BETTER - and it ain't a car,   One last dopey one:  GIRLS RULE .... BOYS DROOL (The first part sounded good, but the last part killed the mood).  Whew! I guess that's enough torture for one day - so I'll see you again - I think that you'll be here.
                                                                         Mountain Mama Japan











Tuesday, November 29, 2011

Saga of the Pet Rock

So what's up with you? Anybody remember the Pet Rock craze way back?  Yeah, I remember it well - made some bucks for someone's great perception of people's emotions. There was a "special" rock dressed up as a baby or another character in a fancy box. My favorite was the macho  man with some chest hair creativily peeking out. Well there was a claim of rock power like crystals but nothing good happenend to me. I was ahead $20 BEFORE I bought the damn thing. OK, since I owned a piece of the country, I figured that it should be a  once-in-a-lifetime chance to have a perfect pet of my very own. My "guy" never needs to be fed or walked, is completely toilet-trained. He is the ideal pet boyfriend/husband/partner. He always listen to you and never talks back - in fact he never says anything at all. I just had to give him a proper name. How about  " Rocky Roady" or "Sporty Rocky" (worn out by Monday  morning) or best "Rocky- the- Great"? In any case, he's still sitting on his red cushion under some junk in my drawer.
      On politically incorrect (and sensitive) words - *Where is it written that everyone on this earth must do things exactly like you do?  * Who the hell told you that you're always right?  No one....Nowhere - that's who.
      So how is your diet-thing going these days OK?  Making the moves? good for you. I'm proud of you. I'll be checking on you again so don't give up.
       A little thing I've always wondered about living in Japan: Wearing an expensive kimono and western style underpants, trying to use a Japanese type toilet - just as bad as using any toilet wearing a one-piece ski suit.
                                See you again..... Mountain Mama encased in a rubber diving suit.

Saturday, November 26, 2011

Even Turkeys' Exercise - Turkey!

Well here it is - post turkey day. How did you do?  Went gung-ho for the fatty stuff or was cool with boring but know-what-you-should-eat-stuff? Awe- some! You know "you da boss" in this matters.
Now - about enemies of the earth:  Why can't we round up all the environmental rapists - YOU KNOW WHO WHO YOU ARE - and put them on a desert island. NO trees, NO water, No shelter, animals, birds, or insects. Let them live in this type of enviroment they are inflicting on the rest of the human race. No global whinning just do your part. 
On exercising: Daily or close, it must be. I don't know about you guys but I hate to sweat. So don't go to the gym where everyone looks exhausted - and wet. All you have to do is WALK. There is alot written about walking I know but aside from the occasional lifting of those bottles filled with water to balance and tone your arms - who wants bat wings anyway? You put one foot ahead of each other and propel yourself foward - using a little more speed than when you mosey along checking out the bakery goods. Oh - one rule! You must NEVER carry any machines with you - the cell, ipod, and zillions of variation  to get distracted. Remember stopping to smell the flowers, noticing new details of buildings, looking at natural things carefully.... really carefully? For me - it was when I was a kid. Beside losing weight slowly and steadily, you will get toned up - even look slimmer sooner. My motto is - never kill yourself just a steady pace is enough. Soon you will naturally want to walk more, faster and basically all over the place. Maybe a stab at a bicycle ride will up the ante. So quit futzing around and get out there.
How about a few more ads and slogans:  "You don't need teeth to eat our beef"(how about gums?)   HI! I'm not here,  Go Big or Go Home  - Why don't you just the hell go home folks! Bye for now....   Mountain Mama Japan

Monday, November 21, 2011

Foodie- toody Special

Well here we are again!  Talking about the three meals/two to three snacks only, allowed daily -  it can get very intense to exactly WHAT you should eat.  You know what "healthy" basically means even if you do live under a rock as they say. Look guys, with all of those itty-bitty, teeny-weeny servings, postage stamp sized plates and pipsqueak utensils - ya can't go wrong. The food must be colorful - think international - everyone looks different but coordinate beautifully. Yes, veggys are a must, yellow squashy stuff and red beets (not my favorite - too much like consuming blood products) and of course the greens. Gorge on this but don't drown it in dressing. The protein part is a few slivers of any meat - not a whole side like they now serve in restaurants. Carbs are there for balance - if you need fries - like a hole in the head - you'll find out how they bypass your stomach and land directly on your saddle-bag thights only to add extra sexy roundness there and on your butt. So...folks you can only have a few - wouldn't you prefer a nice small baked potato with loads of fiber? This conversation will always be continued....
A word about going on a date - singles or partnered people (are there any other groupings? tell me about it)  
* Preparing for your special evening - don't cut your hair without a mirror
*Appearance requirements - No suspenders - how do those things work anyway? will your pants really fall down without them?
* No bowtie/goofy string ties - looks like wings of a bird ready for flight. - please give me a break!
*No soccer - mom jeans - an elastic waistband pulled up to your neck just isn't cool.
*Hide the guy boobs - Please either cover them up with a huge aloha shirt or go for it with a guy bra. (guy bra?)
* No 1980's, 1990's style anything. Not yet vintage cool - it just makes you look like a fossil.
More about dating later. Now a few more awsome- wanna-bees on the tee shirt wearing contest:   In Yo Face  (short and to the point I'd say), He Loves ME  Got it?, and last:  I LOVE MY 'TUDE    Right.....    Bye for now, Mountain Mama Japan signing off

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Natto Chronicles

Hi! A few more points about dieting: You MUST eat three meals a day - yes, count it - one, two, three main times you eat. No excuses please. Then to make it more fun you may have two to three SMALL - and I mean SMALL snacks in between. Everything must be spaced every few hours. No more one constant meal all day. This way you know when you can eat and when you don't. Trust me, you won't ever get so hungry that you'll eat your handbag! You will think about these meals of about 500 calories, but not obsess  like a crazy person. The snacks should be maybe 100 calories or a little more. This is not a diet as we know it - this is a LIFESTYLE which will take time to adjust to. No more nagging or pushing yourself about food. Leave yourself alone! Isn't life tough enough anyway? Another time I'll talk more about what these meals/snacks should consist of.

On Idioms:  

The Natto Chronicles
     You guys from outside of Japan may not know what this is - let me describe it to you: slimy, gray/brown beany things proudly presented to the hapless public in nifty chemical laden material packs. It's has an odor of  a dead animal but strangely, I developed a full blown addiction to it. It's embarassing to admit this here but stuff happens to Mountain Mama too. I had to KICK THE HABIT (akushii o tatsu) because basically it was giving me a bellyache - those beans kind of explode in your gut as well. People  think of it as a healthy source of - whatever - but since I KICKED THE HABIT I sometimes get lonely for that action below. Now I'm looking for a new love/hate relationship with another food.

Some more little tidbits seen on teeshirts:  A FACE ONLY A MOTHER COULD LOVE,  KEEP STARING JERK, REAL MEN WEAR KIMONO. Wanna hear another one?  OK here goes - REAL MEN WEAR MAKE UP.           See you next time,  Mountain Mama Japan

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Tiny Dieting

Hey - nice day right? As Janice Joplin once said: "Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose." As a whole, I'd still choose freedom and worry about "lose" part later.
Oka-a-y diet advice time: Well, folks, think JAPAN - yep, that's right JAPAN. Land of the TINY - tiny dishes, tiny bowls, dining tables and portion.Eat anything your heart desires but get use to the down-sizing forever. No trips back to the kitchen for more - you'll pay attention to the taste 'cause there ain't alot of it. How about writing down everything you eat in a day? I mean EVERYTHING - even a lick of the icing of a cake. Look, it's only for three or four days. So, it's a pain in the tushie but you can analyze what you shovel into your mouth. This is the only time you need to count calories. Once you see a pattern emerge, you can cut down the portions and still reach the 1500 to about 2000 calories you need in a day to survive. As time goes on you will get the feeling based on its weight and appearance that it's right. Natually you will find foods that are healthier on your own because you have that valuable three day data.
Some thoughts -*  Prepare the child for the road - not the road for the child.
   *  I'd rather be called a SLUT than an OLD MAID any day.
   *  She laughs too loud and she talks too much - but she has FUN. Gee, that
     sounds like me!   See you guys next time, Mountain Mama Japan

Monday, November 14, 2011

Take the plunge and make a splash!

Hi again.   You know how to get over the negative stuff in life that hits you broadside? Well I'll tell you what NOT to say: " I can't, I don't,  no one will want me, I'm not young,thin. rich, _ _ _ _ _ (you fill in this blank), I can't go on a date at my age, people will think I'm silly". In actuality you don't have anything to lose to try something new or different. grown children, elderly parents, people you work with, friends and the slew of people in your life who don't want their relationships and situations changing with you - may have the strongest opinions. Don't ask/don't tell may work best here. Supportive people are always welcome. So-o-o  get out there and fight, fight fight!

I dare you to plaster these words across your chest:
"Perfection is the highest order of self-abuse"
Other (useless) pearls of wisdom:
"My only interest in money is when I have none"
Truth is the one story you never have to think about"

Other things to mull over:
It's long known that family vacations are only slightly less stressful than being held hostage by terrorists.
Mango Manners:  Cynics say that the right way to eat a mango is standing in a bathtub while wearing a raincoat or better - leaning over the sink naked. Your choice people.
Next time say tuned for some secret diet advice straight from the horse's mouth. Also English idioms that can serve you well in all situations - ones that you can use a thousand times a day - until people tell you to shut up. 
See you again!   Mountain Mama JAPAN

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Welcome everyone!

     Hi, I'm Teri, a New Yorker, long time resident of Japan - went to school here and haven't left. I have a 15 year old  business of vintage clothes and accessories in a resort lake area of Mt. Fuji near Tokyo. This is a brand new blog about things that are important to us, thoughts that we might or might not wish to share with others. It has the tools to motivate ourselves to make positive changes in relationships and do things we always hoped for in this stressful, changing world.
     Topics include:
* Looking great and younger - advice/hints/tips/stories
*What's new in vintage and re-made clothes and accessories, slim fashion looks.
*Diet and shape-up features in EASY ENGLISH for our Japanese friends, with learning fun English idioms and useful phrases.
     So-o-o  sit back and relax, grab a cup of coffee and step into the world of Mountain Mama Japan Blog.         See you soon new friends!